


Fifteen

by Novantinuum (ChromaticDreams)



Series: Brandishing the Star: A Crystal Gem's Guide to the Universe (SU shorts) [10]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-01 20:30:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20264089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChromaticDreams/pseuds/Novantinuum
Summary: Every year, on the fifteenth day of the eighth month, Pearl runs away.





	Fifteen

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday, Steven <3

Despite their shortcomings as an intelligent species otherwise, Pearl would be remiss to admit that humanity at least has a few positive attributes and customs.

The concept of leisure, for instance, is a good example. After all, back on Homeworld, actions that don’t directly benefit the Great Diamond Authority’s cause would be labeled as treason. Knighthood is another one she quite fancies. Despite her origins she’s always admired the thought of pledging one’s lifelong service to another by active _choice,_ and all the honor and decorum that goes with that lifestyle. From there, the list is short, but cherished: humanity’s inclination to collect otherwise useless objects as mementos, their innate desire to seek out physical means of affection, (thanks to their attitudes towards cross-fusion, something else considered incredibly taboo throughout most of the empire), and the fact that their music isn’t something that’s restricted to only the elite.

Five attributes she admires. Many, many more she’s confused or even disgusted by. Amethyst’s obsession with human food, for instance, she’ll likely never understand. But out of every universal custom the denizens of Earth partake in, the one she’s never managed to wrap her mind around is the idea of celebrating one’s day of... emergence.

Gem emergence back on Homeworld is no impressive event. One moment you don’t exist, and the next— you do, imbued with just enough knowledge to properly carry out whatever purpose you’ve been assigned to fill in the ever-spinning clockwork of Gem society until shattering or the eventual heat death of the universe. That’s it. Clean cut.

In stark contrast, human birth is a complex, messy affair, marked by hours of nonstop wailing and suffering at both ends. So why, then, does humanity insist upon spending a significant portion of their already minuscule lifespans planning, attending, and observing celebrations of this day? She hasn’t a clue. Honestly, from her perspective it seems quite distasteful.

But _She,_ on the other hand, couldn’t get enough of Earth’s frivolous celebrations. She made it her purpose to understand as much about their primitive way of life as possible. She— despite all her desperate pleas for her to choose otherwise— decided to take her overly obsessive fascination one step further and submit her body to it.

Which is how fifteen years later, Pearl finds herself broken, alone, sitting atop the same floating mountain where she first pledged her willful, eternal loyalty to the former diamond she now mourns. Her shoulders shake as she sobs without restraint, lithe fingers gripping so hard into the grass that she pulls up roots. Tears drip off her chin and into the dirt. She’s a coward. One of the most important days for humankind, despite her lingering confusion as to why, and she can’t even manage to pull herself together for a second to be there for... for _him._

Just thinking about it sends her whirling through every year of her regrets as if she’s living through it all afresh.

She isn’t there at the very beginning. None of them are. It‘s just Greg, and, and... and _Her,_ and some local she can’t remember the name of who agreed to act as midwife. The next ten or so years are much the same, every single one of them except the boy’s father keeping their distance so they can grieve in their own private ways. Garnet grows more withdrawn than usual, holing herself away in the burning room to conduct inventory of the bubbled Gems. Amethyst always warps to her former Kindergarten to do _shard knows_ what, likely resorting to violence as a means of burning through the confusing emotions. And as for herself, she runs here. Every time. To Strawberry Battlefield, where the others dare not follow.

Eleven years. Despite Greg’s warnings otherwise, the energetic young half-Gem personally invites the three of them to his party. Garnet and Amethyst politely decline this invitation, knowing they don’t have the emotional strength to deal with the other young human children on this already difficult occasion. They do, however, concede to join him and Greg for a small cake lighting ceremony later that evening.

Pearl attends neither.

Twelve years. This time, there is no big party full of noisy, ungrateful human children the boy’s age. Most of their families had since moved away. (If she has to guess, the town’s prevalence for dangerous Gem activity was the root cause of that.) Upon Greg’s request, the others agree to meet up on the porch of the house—almost complete— to sing him that dreadfully banal song.

When approached about it later, she claims she forgot. No one dares press further.

Thirteen. She must leave immediately to take care of an urgent solo mission. No, she doesn’t need help, but thank you for offering.

Fourteen.

For the first time, she actually attends the celebration. It’s small, cozy. She manages a smile for most of that day. Manages to keep her thoughts pointedly directed away from the raw, recent past she’s usually running towards in her own self destructive way. Foolishly, she dares to imagine that maybe, _just maybe_ she’s beginning to move on, to change with the rest of them, just like that young half-Gem is with every passing moment. But then the new shirt Connie got him is pink, and the whole countryside is spinning around her, and she can barely hear Amethyst asking her if she’s alright, and before she knows it, her feet have propelled her away, away to the warp pad nestled in the nearby field, and straight into the strawberry scented arms of the grief she can’t quite separate herself from.

It’s not normal. At least, it _shouldn’t_ be normal. Grief isn’t something Gems of a lower cut have reason to even express. Where one is shattered, a replacement is incubated in the crust of some other unlucky world. Even for a Gem as powerful and rare as a diamond, such deep sorrow is waved away as nothing more but a waste of time and resources. And yet in this case the gem in question isn’t actually shattered. Perhaps it’d be a different story if She were. Perhaps Pearl could find the strength to finally thrive on this anniversary if that gemstone’s achingly familiar song really was cut off for good, if she could bury all her unresolved feelings with the shards She left behind.

Instead the song lives on, unceasingly, within the very boy she's helped raise.

Fifteen.

She hopes he knows that she tried this year, she really did. After everything they’ve been through together... every truth she’s revealed, every secret he’s confided with her, every hard wrought battle they’ve won... she honestly tried.

But no matter what, she can’t quite dodge the guilt ridden fear that his happy day will never be happy for her.

Miserably, she hugs her legs to her chest, her hard light form long since purged of all strength from her weeping. The tracks of her tears have already dried on her cheeks, and they’re left feeling sticky as a result. Looking up, the fields below are stunning in the stark amber glow of sunset. They genuinely are. Beyond the floating mountains wild strawberries stretch as far as the eye can see, but today they stir nothing within her.

Today, even beauty is without meaning, and in the moment so is she.

The vines emerging from the base of her solitary plateau crack and rustle, knocking her from her thoughts. She startles with a gasp, almost whirling around to see what’s disturbed her, but then... that song, oscillating through the thick air in waves far too small to hear. Of course. Who else would have the courage to run after her?

“Pearl,” he says softly, edging towards her frail, quivering frame.

And truthfully, she’s not sure if she’ll ever get used to the sound of that boy’s voice, how low its dropped ever since his sudden growth spurt a few months back, so, so different in register and yet intimately familiar regardless. Arms wrap tight around her midsection. She sniffles in response, hot tears threatening to burst their dam at any moment. Yet, still every bit as stubborn as the day she emerged from under the iron rule of Homeworld, she refuses to look behind, refuses to visually acknowledge the truth that’s weighing down on her more than even the fate of entire rebellions: the undeniable truth that like it or not he’s _changing,_ faster and faster as the days creep onward, growing and maturing into a young man she knows with every burning fiber of her being that She would be so proud of.

It’s almost not fair, how quickly humanity can change. Progress... move forward.... leave behind.

Forget.

_Die._

She begins quivering once more, not able to hold back her tears for his sake. They’re messy, every bit as undignified as she deserves in this moment.

To his credit, the boy doesn’t say anything more, knowing her well enough by this point to merely comfort her in silence as she brokenly wails. Minutes pass. At some point, he leans his face against her back, hugging her the same way as the first time he followed her here. It’s grounding, a welcome reminder of all the other days she has to live for. Taking a deep, steadying breath, she closes her eyes for a period, reaching up to blot at the edges of her puffy eyes.

“Happy Birthday, Steven,” she whispers, wiping the last traces of tears away before clasping her hand solid in his, steeling herself in both mind and body to face the unknown future with him together... one fifteenth of August at a time.

**Author's Note:**

> The insinuation here is that Pearl ran away sometime in the middle of the events of the ep Steven's Birthday to mourn in private and later returned.
> 
> Thank you for reading! This was probably the quickest I've ever churned out a one-shot, but I desperately wanted to post something in commemoration of my favorite character's birthday. Glad I could finish this today!


End file.
